A Miracle By Any Other Name...

When I woke up on Sunday, I did a most unusual thing. I said to myself, "this is going to be a good week." I was never more correct.

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An Official Drollhouse Apology

What seems like only yesterday, but was in fact just over a month ago, a group of reputable Drollhouse members, who have since received the title of the "Drollhouse Twelve", were involved in what, according to certain anonymous sources, was the most catastrophic "prank" ever pull …

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Which direction do you sleep?

Sometimes, my mind goes in very strange, weird, and distinctly random directions. This is one of those times.

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Applying to RISD, Once Again (warning: some nudity)

As some of you may know, I applied to the Rhode Island School of Design last year, was accepted, and ultimately turned down their offer on the grounds that I both didn't quite feel ready, and, for the most part, I had no clue as to how to pay for it.

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Noah Bradley Runs for President; World Cringes in Horror

It has come to this reporter's attention that a most unsettling disturbance has occurred in the presidential elections. Noah Bradley, hailed for his snarkiness and ability to make up words, is, for God knows what reason, running for president.

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Noah's Post-Primary Analysis

This evening, in some God-forsaken, snow-covered, and largely desolate region of the world, thousands of loyal, freedom-loving patriots trudged through hell and high water with snow shovels in one hand, and a sign stating "I LIKE CHANGE," to vote in New Hampshire's primary, which …

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Announcing Newsvine: Matchmaker; A Case Study of a Newsvine Couple

In a dark alleyway somewhere in Seattle, behind a very green building overgrown with vines, it was recently decided that Newsvine should have its own match-making/dating/sex service, based on wildly popular demand.

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NEW: Noah's Newest (Not-News) Newsvine New Year's Resolutions

Every year, following a night of drunken revelry, billions of people set off to be better people, skinnier people, and less drunk people only to fail miserably within a week or so, leading them back into that cesspool they call their "lives," which I call "their lousy pathetic ex …

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Newsvine Decides: All The Really Important Junk

Every year, for one year running, Newsvine puts aside its humble ways and graciously accepts the title of "Most Pretentiously Opinionated Jerks" by flooding every last page of Newsvine with boring little polls about everything that can be imagined by thousands of heavily intoxica …

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An Old Man I Met Today

It was a cold morning today. The wind was blowing, the mist was enveloping the cool country-side, and thousands of people were making that horrible drive towards their work. And I was one of them.

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Life As The Evil Majority

I am a Caucasian, heterosexual, Christian, male that resides somewhere around the upper middle class. By most definitions, I am the epitome of the ruling, corrupt, and hated majority.

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Where I've Been, What I've Done (warning: nudity)

Before your hopes are raised too high, let me assure you that none of the nudity herein is of me. Sorry. I know you're devastated.

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10 Signs that You're a Newsvine Idiot

With the somewhat recent influx of helpful articles for new-comers to Newsvine, I thought I should chip in my own wisdom to help the new and old alike by giving fail-proof signs that a user is a Newsvine Idiot.

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Should the Government Be Our Parents, Our Janitor, Or Our Mule?

I was thinking. About government, politicians, and the place these ever-corrupt and often despicable entities should have in our lives.

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When All Is Right

When all is done, when all is right, What, oh what, will the world be like? When war is done, when conflict finished, When strife solved and all forgiven, When all are fed, and none are lost, What, oh what, will we do?

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What has the environment ever done for YOU?

Some people spend their entire lives trying to care for it, nurture it, and ensure that other thoughtless idiots don't kill it.

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The Right to a Good Death

We have the freedom of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." We have the freedom of speech. We have the freedom to do, within the law, whatever we truly please. We have the freedom to run for public office.

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A Month With Google Analytics - OR - Why Humanity is DOOMED

Heeding to public pressure (i.e. death threats), the Newsvine team allowed us all the extensive ability to analyze the visitors who make the foolhardy mistake of browsing our columns.

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Staring Into The Light

All that we see, and all that we ever shall see, is light. The scientific synergy of waves and particles which our eyes take in without any effort on our part.

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What's the Big Deal About a Little Nudity? (Warning: Nudity)

Americans sure are an odd bunch that've formed some equally odd, and often unfounded, fears.

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What REALLY Happened at Vinemeet West

It was like any other gathering of complete strangers who met on the internet with the intent of getting horribly drunk together.

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Of Honesty

This essay was originally submitted to The Nation's Student Writing Contest a couple months ago. It seems that I didn't win, so I can now publish it here. Major thanks to Viki for editing this for me; sorry I didn't win. ;)

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Elvis-Impersonating Vampire Abducted by Alien Zombies -- "We Crave Elvis Brains"

Last night, in an event that will surely disturb Elvis fan-clubs around the world, a self-proclaimed Elvis-impersonator has been abducted by alien zombies.

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About Noah Bradley

Articles Posted: 152
Links Seeded: 40
Member Since: 11/2005Last Seen: 11/22/2009

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